Where am I? - The post I haven't wanted to write

[themidnightgirl]

Eight months or so ago, I knew exactly what I wanted, where I was going and all kinds of stuff.

Events happened.

Now...I feel lost. It isn't Heathers fault...it certainly isn't Cam's fault.

Usually, I'm pretty self contained. I have a decent enough sense of centre and I cope with most things well. At the moment, I wouldn't know what a centre was if I went shopping there.

Maybe it's just Winter setting on. I get mopey in winter.
Maybe I'm just tired...stuck in a bit of a rut and being ground down.

I can pin it to a point where it started, though. I had a (very minor) car accident a couple of weeks back. The car is (almost) fixed. But...confidence shaken.

Seems like that might have been the little shove that finally knocked me off balance.

I need...I don't know...some space, some time...more...some autonomy. I need, even for a very short period of time, to be definitely in control.

That sounds stupid.

This isn't a particularly good explanation, and I'm not trying to make out like I have 'real life'. But if I can find my feet again while I'm teetering, it'll be less painful than if I fall over.

Bizarre incoherence ends.

Comments

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Ooh!

Make sure to keep the company of good friends as often as possible.
Set yourself worthwhile, ongoing tasks that both serve a practical purpose and can be completed at a leisurly pace.
Don't spend Valentine's Day in your own company.
Stick to a vaguely stringent daily routine, but vary it when the need arises.
Get a haircut.

This sage advice was brought to you with the letters C, K, and the number 4

It doesn't sound stupid

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Not to me, anyway. I need a lot of personal space, the main reason I live on my own and don't share with friends.
I love being with friends, going to parties, etc. It felt _really_ good after the Scottish weekend, having made new friends, meeting people I've only known online and spending time and having fun with them. It reestablished the reasons why I am in the Cam, because most of its members are just great and considerate people. The few exceptions I can just happily ignore.

On the other hand, I need to be able to get away from it all, just sit down with a book or at the computer.

Re: It doesn't sound stupid

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Seconded Oz, socialising is great, but I'm a private person and like time to myself away from everything and everyone now and then, I get opressed by people I suppose, just need time away to remember and reestablish me and a single entity...

And RBS (excuse the acroymn!) If you ever need, pixie, advice (well, dubious advice) silly songs or anything, just ask

Gosh

[(Anonymous)]

One of the fun things about having a brain is that it occasionally falls over.

Much like a computer does. That means you need to power it off for a while and go do something else for a bit. This is perfectly normal, so don't let anyone (particularly yourself) tell you otherwise.

Not being one to "go all Californian" I'm not saying it's OK to be down. I'm saying, in typically English Home Counties fashion, that it's inevitable and a perfectly normal side effect of being alive. Don't bother having a stuff upper lip or trying to ignore it, just be aware that it's temporary and will probably pass as soon as we get a decent level of daylight back. Winds light to variable.

Some people will counsel being with friends. That's a good thing, assuming you want people to cheer you up. Personally, I've found that a good, solid, self indulgent mope (with plenty of dreary music and a ready supply of vodka and razor blades) concentrates the mind wonderfully. ( After all, you can always put the vodka away and have a shave...) ((and be prepared to put the razor blades away if you do decide to drink the vodka...I did this once with a couple of litres of Smirnoff and woke up still drunk and bald)).

(((You see? You think you have problems! I'm very firmly wedged in parenthesis. This is Oslo '57 all over again. Poor Heisenberg...stood on a speak your weight machine and no one's seen him since.)))

Now THAT is bizarre incoherrance!

- DW