Explanation

[themidnightgirl]

Hmm...

Tricky to get the tone right on this one. I'm not trying to appeal for sympathy, or for followup comments that say "*hugs*" (though those are kind of cute) but this is one of those things welling up inside that I either write or brood over in a kind of Gollumish way.

I don't have the greatest self image.

I know I'm intelligent and I can be quite amusing when I'm not telling really bad jokes.

But I don't really see why anyone would like me. Even knowing (from empirical evidence) that people do (I think), I don't really understand it in any kind of way. I guess I'm not sure _I_ like me.

And that's just speaking for friends. I don't see what Heather saw in me... As far as I can tell, I'm physically repulsive (u-g-l-y) and the kind of person that nobody in their right mind could want to...um...date. (why is it that no word I put in there seemed right?).

I guess this is more because I was never a teenager. Well, I was, but I was very...private... in those days, and was naturally defensive in any kind of situation. It's probably difficult to get to know someone who has built up the ramparts and is throwing spears before you even utter a word. As a result, I ended up thinking that nobody (more specifically nobody female) could or would like me. And the friends (male) that I did have, I had on very specific terms and in very controlled situations.
It wasn't really until I got to University that I began to have something resembling friendships with women. I sometimes think I'm lagging a bit behind in emotional development. (I guess this post demonstrates that!). It's odd how things are circular...because (particularly when I was a teenager) I believed that no-one would like me...no-one did like me.

As I said earlier, this isn't an appeal for sympathy - I genuinely, genuinely believe this. And, to be honest, I'm writing this more for my cathartic benefit than for my devoted readership (irony intended).

I don't know if it has made me feel better or not. How strange.

Comments

[windzswept.livejournal.com]

you're not ugly... so ner....

Steph

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

"Humans have an instruction manual, but it won't be finished until we all die, and the last thing to be written is the index."

I can't claim to know exactly what you mean...same horse, different jockey...but people continue to tell me that it's all in my head and the more I dwell on it the worse it will become, simply because I think it will, or something.

And that's where it starts to get complicated. I'll shut up now. OK.

*shrug*

[crag-du.livejournal.com]

Not sympathy as such, but I can understand where your coming from on this one. It's taken me a while to become settled with myself and realise that I do have something to offer the world, still not realy comftable with myself at times though.
Oh Well...

One of the few constants between most worthwhile people...

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

...is their complete inability to believe in themselves.

It's amazing how many gorgeous, intelligent, interesting people, once you peel back the layers, feel they have nothing to offer and don't understand why people like them.

In any case, beauty comes as much through personality (and I'm not talking about this 'ignore the ugly exterior and see the beauty within' bullshit, what you project actually affects how you look) as through rolling three sixes at generation.

Mind you, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, since like most lessons it can't be taught, only learned...

I'm still working on it.

re: Explanation

[pere.livejournal.com]

Sometimes its easy to see and say details about yourself, yet it still feels almost abstract until something inside you then accepts what you've found.. well thats how it works for me anyhow.

Two little things that i've picked up on some of my travels through life ..

In many respects, its often up to you to find, but more importantly, accept your own answers. Its just hard as seeing yourself clearly is difficult at best, which is why you need friends to see you for you to learn from.

Often the image of yourself that you have is the one you seem to project to others without knowing it, and that colours how strangers act to you. Friends tend to be able to avoid that and see you for who you are.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeell...

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

"I don't have the greatest self image.

I know I'm intelligent and I can be quite amusing when I'm not telling really bad jokes.

But I don't really see why anyone would like me. Even knowing (from empirical evidence) that people do (I think), I don't really understand it in any kind of way. I guess I'm not sure _I_ like me."

Everyone gets like that; or, rather, I do (and am kinda reassured that it's not just me being odd like that, but probably some universal bookish male thing), so I can at least relate. It's hard to think about it too much without turning majorly arrogant, but for what it's worth, I quite like you and certainly don't think you're ugly (and, for reference, there are guys who I think are ugly. You just aren't one of them...). But, then, my ability to judge how good-looking other males are isn't tip-top...

How useless was that? Erm, I know...

*hugs*

;-)

Oh you know it is going to be tactless

[littlecat.livejournal.com]

Of course people like you, you are fun, intellegent and we can even tolerate the bad jokes ;). You are a nice and generous guy, so there. You are NOT ugly, and are just generally great.

So see, you silly sod, we do like you!!

I am not going to repeat what everyone else said about everyone going through it, even though it is true! Even I do!

Oh and for cuteness factor *hugs* ;)

Lynn

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

It's something I've wondered about too. All my friends are being so great in my current situation, but I'm at a loss to understand why they seem to think I'm worth the effort. I think you just have to accept their (my) judgement at face value. There is something worthwhile about you, even if you can't see it yourself.

I don't think you're ugly, but then I have a thing for tall men.